January 2009
50 posts
You decide my stomach contents
Let’s make this Super Bowl thing interactive.
You guys pick what I should eat during le big game on Sunday. FYI this is what the super giant snackie tray looks like.
Google "throw up" to find my blog
I use Blog Counter to keep stats on my web site. It’s not the most advanced method, but it gives me an idea of who is getting here and how they’re doing it.
My favorite stat to peruse is the “Top 40 Keywords” section, where you can see the search terms people used to arrive at your blog.
Some of them are pretty obvious (like my name, my company’s name and the Ugly...
Herman headed to ESPN
Former Chiefs coach Herm Edwards will be an in-studio NFL analyst for ESPN.
I’m glad. Though Herm wasn’t a good fit in Kansas City, I like his personality and I like that I’ll still get to see him every Sunday.
Too bad he couldn’t win games. That’s the only stat that matters.
Read the details on ESPN.com.
Stop your heart with one meal
My brother sent me this one. I was surprised he was reading a news Web site… then I realized it was an article about a meal called “The Bacon Explosion.”
The instructions for constructing this massive torpedo-shaped amalgamation of two pounds of bacon woven through and around two pounds of sausage and slathered in barbecue sauce first appeared last month on the Web site of a...
Feeling ishy? Try the BRAT(Y) Diet
I know the Wikipedia article says this method is no longer recommended, but I think this works. If you’re feeling really gross (like flu/barf gross) try the BRAT Diet.
The BRAT or BRATY Diet consists of Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast and Yogurt. They’re bland, neutral foods that are supposed to lessen the severity of your “condition.”
Basically if you’re puking or...
Human head-sized hole in a dorm
Yeah duh.
If I had a nickel for all the times I patched up a hole in a wall while in college… I’d have like 15 nickels.
Here’s a good one from Crime Scene KC:
From University News’ police blotter: 5:29 p.m. Property Damage - A hole the size of a human head was reported in an Oak Street Residence Hall stairwell wall.
Rourke vs. Jericho on Larry King!
The best publicity stunt ever continues… on Larry King. But does this mean that they won’t be wrestling? Because that’s going to ruin my life (for 10-15 min.)
“Put on a condom, so I can have a vacation.”
– My friend Lizzie who works for an adoption agency.
I wanna see a Ram Jam!
Where has Mickey Rourke been all my life? This guy is so awesome.
On WWE Monday Night Raw, Chris Jericho responded to Mickey Rourke’s red carpet smack talk from the SAG awards on Sunday night. Zomg this is hilarious.
I am actually going to watch Wrestlmania just to see this match. Rourke better do a Ram Jam.
I'm not sure I wanted to inspire this...
I’ve done a few movie reviews for Scene-Stealers recently, and I found that I inspired a Top 10 List from one of their readers after my review for The Wrestler. That was really sweet until I realize it was the Top 10 Most Unnerving Movie Scenes.
At least I inspired something?
Scene-Stealers sitegoer and EMU Theater member Sara Langford was inspired to create this list after seeing our...
Jazzercise One-Day Sale!
I don’t often talk about Jazzercise on the blog, but today we are having a one-day sale.
That means if you come in TODAY ONLY and sign up for a an EFT ticket, you won’t pay anything until March. No monthly fee. No joining fee.
That’s like $117 worth of Jazzing for free.
If you’ve been thinking about coming to try it, I teach tonight at 8 p.m. I don’t bite.
If you...
Mickey Rourke on Wrestlemania!
Mickey Rourke is going to squeeze every damn bit of life out of this comeback that he can… and he’s doing it in the awesomest way ever.
On Sunday at the SAG awards, Rourke confirmed that he will be participating in a match at the 25th annual WrestleMania on April 6.
He suggested that a match against Chris Jericho is in the works.
I wonder if he’ll tag team with his chihuahuas?
What do you mean she lost?
Watch this video and tell me this girl shouldn’t be Miss America.
Miss Hawaii lost to Miss Indiana. It’s total crap, because Miss Indiana sucked it up with her predictable singing talent and ugly-as-1987 evening gown.
Aloha is right, Mario Lopez!
SMCKC Meet-up
This is a bit delayed, but here is the video blog I made from the Social Media Club KC meet-up from Thursday.
About 100 people came (wow!) to Nicholson Kovac downtown to discuss Twitter and business. My company, Spiral16, provided the liquid happiness. :)
This is pretty "French," right?
The Daily Mail reports that former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to the hospital after being mauled by his “clinically depressed” dog… a Maltese poodle named Sumo.
Uhhhh.
Things wrong with this sentence:
1) Can a dog be clinically depressed?
2) Can a Maltese be that fierce?
In case you don’t know, a Maltese looks like this:
F*cking terrifying, right?
...
My take on the Oscar nominations
This morning the stuffy people released the nominations for the 2009 Academy Awards.
All that this year’s list of nominees does is prove that the academy doesn’t respect action movies and that I was right about Gran Torino being pretty bad (zero nominations.)
I’m certain that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button won’t win Best Picture. It was an obligatory nomination for...
My friends & family: WTF is social media?
Social media is a strange concept for people who don’t see the benefits, or think they have no use for it. I’ve accepted that my Grandmother has no idea what I do, and doesn’t really care to understand it. My parents kinda get it. Kinda.
Most of my friends have no clue.
I stumbled on this glossary via Tweet from Kathleen Hessert, president of Sports Media Challenge - a company...
The Prez has sick moves. →
Obama bumps butts with a lady on the dance floor. Yes.
Cutest holocaust movie review ever
Watch the cuddly bears talk about the new drama “Defiance.”
Mob Wars on Facebook... but for real
Oh, the price of popularity.
Italian officials are investigating Sicilian Mob activity on Facebook, according to an article in the New York Times.
Investigators became concerned when fan pages and groups supporting convicted Mafiosi Salvatore Riina and Bernardo Provenzano popped up on the social networking site.
Facebook claims they have been working with investigators:
A spokesman for...
Online Inauguration Resources
I don’t have to tell you that a lot has changed in the past eight years. Today is a very big deal.
I know many of you have to work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t witness history. Here is a list of resources to keep you informed on today’s presidential inauguration.
Basic Info:
- Inauguration history and traditions via Wikipedia - Mlive.com has an interactive map,...
A-B-UP-DOWN-LEFT-RIGHT-START-PAUSE
I’m going to blame my parents, siblings and every person I’ve ever known in my life for not showing me The Wizard.
I admit, publicly, on this here blog, that I had not seen this movie until last Sunday.
Baaazigully it’s about Nintendo. And the kid in this clip, Lucas, he’s like Nintendo champ of the planet… because he has the Power Glove. “It’s so...
Sorry my Obamicon rocks pretty hard
I stumbled on this Web site that allows you to make yourself into an Obama poster.
So I took the picture on the left and created what could be my icon for life:
I still haven't been paid for this
I’m in this Coke Zero commercial somewhere. I got to spend a long day screaming my face off in Allen Fieldhouse with the promise of being paid $150.
Still haven’t been paid.
But the commercial is airing nationwide! I think it represents KU pretty well.
UPDATE: The uploader fixed the audio! Here is the good version:
So... these people had a bad day
Thank God they’re all OK. I told you geese were dangerous.
This photo is from the Twitter feed of JKrums. His tweets go something like this:
Leaving the city, had a great day. Trying to beat the traffic. Wish me luck! about 2 hours ago from Twittelator http://twitpic.com/135xa - There’s a plane in the Hudson. I’m on the ferry going to pick up the people. Crazy. about 2 hours...
Dressing rooms or chambers of punish?
Jake’s dog, Sarge, has made a bad habit of chewing up my clothes (specifically because I keep leaving my dirty clothes within his reach). So tonight I had to go buy some new Lycra pants for my Jazzercise class.
Now, I’m not delusional. I realize I’m no supermodel, but I’m not a wretched troll, either. I’m a healthy, curvy, size-8 piece of young woman. I can probably...
Johnson County Safari
I was lucky enough to witness a Johnson Count Safari during lunch hour on Tuesday.
Observe the “corporate geese” as they halt traffic on 110th and Marty, blocking many a Honda from getting to Panera!
This breed of goose is found in southern Overland Park, Kan. and are known for migrating from one business park pond to the next. They put themselves in danger when they cross the...
When did Howie Mandel turn 53?
People Magazine reported that Howie Mandel was hospitalized for an irregular heartbeat on Monday.
Remember old school Comedy Central Stand-up Special-esque Howie Mandel with the curly mullet? From Bobby’s World?
That show made me want an octopus plush toy, donchya know.
I remember that no one in the world knew how good I am at speaking in a Minnesota accent until Bobby’s World...
Golden Globes Fashion: Smashed Boobs
I made Jake watch part of the Golden Globes pre-show coverage on E! and NBC yesterday… because I’m a mean girlfriend who likes pretty dresses.
The biggest fashion trend I noticed had nothing to do with colors or fabrics, but with ye olde golden globes themselves.
A ton of ladies had dresses that straight-up smashed their boobs. Like… think cleavage to the neck. Here is proof:
...
Didn't know they made bikinis in size fat-f*ck
True love means giving a guy who wears eyeliner your vaginal piercing during your staged wedding vows.
At least it does on Rock of Love Tour Bus.
Brett Michaels’ group of Barton vodka-infused herpes chasers never fails to disappoint me.
My favorite line from this episode was not in the online clips, but it went something like “I didn’t even know they made bikinis in size...
I have to post this for Laura. We’ve been...
"Gran Torino?" More like "Gran Stupido" (u like?)
Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood’s latest attempt at socially-relevant drama falls flat on its ass.
Gran Torino is so bad, I found myself wondering “is this supposed to be a comedy? Cuz I’m LOLing at things that aren’t supposed to be funny…” The whole first part of the movie is about Eastwood being an cranky, racist widower with a family that would love to dump...
Oklahoma vs. Florida: My prediction
Beer & Nachos 49, Whitney 0
Brain defense can’t compete with the laser accuracy of my hand-to-mouth motor skills.
UPDATE: The actual score turned out to be Tim Tebow & Jesus 28, Sinners 6.
We get it. You like caps lock.
Kanye West just can’t lay off the caps. He wrote this blog about some billboard. I can’t tell if he’s yelling at me or producing the 5 p.m. news.
Side note: News producers write scripts in all caps.
Anyway, try to read this without increasing your resting heart rate:
THANKS HYPEBEAST FOR POSTING THIS… AT LEAST SOMEBODY SAW IT LOL! AS YOU CAN SEE IN THIS PIC THE BILLBOARD IS...
My entire childhood in one YouTube video
The Muppet Babies theme song. I thought I’d forgotten the lyrics, but then when I played the video somehow it all came back to me. Like riding a bike.
Why doesn’t Nanny ever change her socks?
P.S. If Beaker were typing this post it would say “me me me mememe mememe me.”
Considering work as a hooker?
We all know the economy is in the shitter, so if you’re looking to moonlight in Kansas City… why not consider turning tricks?
This map, provided by the Kansas City Missouri Police Department shows YOU the hot spots for hooking. Hey - it’s kind of like selling SlapChops for a living, because you still get to talk about nuts and “tuna.” (What? Too much?)
Race you to...
I hope you listen to Jim Rome on 610 Sports every...
PUPPIES!
Oh God. I found out Wayside Waifs is on Twitter.
And I started following them.
So now, a few times a day, I’m treated to adowable pichers like this.
They also sent out this Tweet of a puppy with really sad eyes.
I’d like 400 cute, cuddly puppies plz!!!!
:(
Marc Jacobs "Heroin Grandma" collection
This week gilt.com is having a Marc Jacobs Collection sale. I was pretty excited because I have a work bonus coming this week and could use a dress for spring/summer fancy events.
Well, I won’t be buying it from Marc Jacobs.
His collection on gilt.com is what I’d like to call “Heroin Grandma.”
I’m not going to pay $498 to look like I just purchased a crack rock in...
I think I hate Beyonce
I’m pretty sure I don’t like Beyonce, but I’m definitely sure I love this video.
The Secret Trois has a diverse selection of hot dance videos. I also suggest Crank Dat Batman… BIG girl style.
"These Doritos taste like throw-up"
Thank God for fake boobs, whiskey and guy-liner. Without these things, I’d be forced to watch National Geographic Channel on Sunday nights.
Rock of Love has returned, and this season the clan of coked-out strippers is living on a tour bus while their supplier of genital warts object of affection, Poison front-man Bret Michaels, plays to tens of fans across the country.
My favorite clip...
It's a blanket - with SLEEVES!
If you’ve watched any football in the past two weeks, you’ve seen this commercial. It is a blanket with sleeves… because regular blankets are such a hassle.
I think it would make a good monk costume.
NO MORE BORING TUNA
“You’re gonna love my nuts.”
My new year's went something like this...
If my New Year’s Eve was any sign of what’s to come this year, I’m totally stoked.
I cooked some nachos and pizza rolls with Tracy, Steph and Jake; drank a few beers; watched football and was asleep by 11:15 p.m. My New Year’s kiss came around 12:45 a.m. when I was half asleep and Jake was leaving for work.
It had everything I wanted: good food, good friends and little...